Space crawl radio blog ...episode 5....Momma don't let your criminals grow up to be spacemen

crack hiss......
When we last tuned in to our hapless,clueless,Britsh space guinea p.....sorry.....
Regg was telling Harold hunt
that the door to the Russian Putin-Rasputin-Omni....was opening up....lets listen in


Oh,bloody hell......it's swinging open....bugger us all to hell...Regg bellowed
arr arr..buggering....Nigel ,from ground control sniggered.....

Behave,Nigel.....Harold Hunt...admonished....this is serious.....
oh,It's probley just a voice activated door.....Nigel added

Then you come here and face the thing on the other side...Farrot face...Regg bellowed...

Tiny,who was fast asleep,groaned....What the ell is happening?!.....
clunk....his head hit the ceiling....ARRRR

We're about to be eaten by space aliens....Jasper confided... Not if I can help it......Regg picked up a .......

Wait....wait....ANDREW...what does he pick up?....a bat?

oh....skip it guys...my brain is foggy....
   
Join the ruddy club,mate....Regg replied....    
 
All three men squeeled like teenage girls at a Beatles concert
as the door opened

HELLO.....lovlies.......I'm Emma.....Emma PEEL.....boop boop
 What is it?......Nigel asked from ground control

Iiiii....It's a bloody robot....shapley robot....It looks like

YEAH.....yEAH.......Emma peel...The Avengers....Tiny whistled...

She is all silver,but her face looks quite....hubba hubba...REGG

Men,men....control yourselves....Harold Hunt ordered....

He built it then....Putin...he was a fan of Diana RIGG......arr arr...Nigel sniggered..

Oh,gentleman,I am model...5467....retro foxy.....here to serve you....

Me....first.....Regg ....pushed the other two out of the way..

You....pervs...she is a robot...not a blow up doll...Nigel commentated

HRRMPH....yes...I must agree...for once ,with Farrot....NIGEL....Harold

I'm so lonely....Tiny exclaimed.........

erre....What about us,sunshine..?.....Jasper replied......

She has a built in chastity belt....Nigel....commentated

How,do you know all this?....Harold asked.....

I'm a cyberspace junkie...Nigel...replied...

Yes,I'm saving myself,for a fine,husband....Emma replied

But...your a robot....robots don't marry robots.....Regg commentated

A small tear...ran down the robots face...then a wail....

OH...bloody..hell....good going...Regg...you made...it cry

It?.....Emma replied....I am an A class....retro foxy...you Wanker!!!!!!!!

I like her.....Nigel...sniggered



This episode is dedicated to Robin Williams
I watched him as a child on Mork and Mindy

I hope you have found peace of mind
in the next world

I hope that
for
all of us

nano nano

You Bonehead Shepard Smith

Talk about kicking a man when he is dead...

Anchorman Shepard Smith ,who I thought was the only one at fox news

with any form of fair..ha....and balanced reporting....

chides Robin Williams for killing himself

Come on Sheppy.....even Elizabeth Hasselback has more compassion.

Self righteous

bullshit

quote me on that

SHEPPY

Killing Archie Andrews...why not Mickey mouse and Snoopy too

So another pop culture icon gets butchered by new owners with no vision
by that need to sell more product by killing the golden goose

Archie Andrews will die saving his gay best friend....that isn't my gripe
I just think it is a lazy corporate move by new owners with the
vision of an eggplant...yes,you EggPlant

Remember new coke?.....Real bright move....
Didn't Superman get killed off once
how did that go?

Are country is getting rid of its heritage
and giving it away piece by piece

By people with no vision
and less common sense....

YOU  can take that to the bank....oh wait,the banks been sold out too

Jack

Space crawl radio blog series episode 4 theres ghosts in them space,ya all

When we last visited the Calypso Minor it had
lost communication with lands end ground control....let's listen....

Sir,If their lost in space,are we out of jobs?...Nigel sniveled
Good,God,man...you have them dead already,you little weasle,sorry....Harold Hunt replied

Calypso minor.can you read us?......Calypso Minor.....
I could train to be a horse jockey...Nigel sighed

crackle       crackle

Ere.....were here....bloody hell and a handbasket...this is REG..over....

Forget it,Nigel....your own horse would eat you....Harold.....
Calypso minor....what happened......?

err....we bumped into another ship out here...The Putin -Rasputin Omni

I I can't believe it,that went up in 2016 ....it was Putins pet project

Didn't he go up with it sir....?....Nigel queried....

Yes,sort of a John Wayne chap....he passed the physical with flying colors
yes...his wife ran the country after the ship vanished
she introduced a casual Fridays at work day
really set the country into a more relaxed state....

Eh.....What do we do,we are kind of attached to it...Red complained....
It looks kind of beat up....Jasper observed

You would too if you were floating in space for over eighty years...
more than that....Jasper replied.....

I dun,hate math,you wanker...Red barked....
Tiny was fast asleep and snoring...

We gonna wake him?..Jasper inquired...
neh....Tiny needs his beauty sleep....Reg replied....

This is very historical men....you have found a piece of  important space....space...

JUNK.....you can say it,mate.....a piece of flying space junk...Reg replied

What happens if their dead bodies come flying out..?   Nigel sniggered

Nigel,behave....no need to alarm the boys....ah.....

I heard that farrot face.....I ain't afraid of a mummified Russian......

Eh,....What's happening...the door to the other bloody things opening....!!!!!!!!

AH.......Jasper screamed like a girl

Tiny lurched up and bumped his head for the hundreth time....

I told you....I told you....GHOSTS....Poltergeists......Nigel  sniggered....

Behave Nigel......Calypso Minor....stay calm....it might be the ships computer

Bloody hell...

arrhhhh

I

want


my


mummy!!!

Space Crawl radio series blog Episode 3 Ground control to Major Reg

When we last joined are guinea pig astronauts,Reg,Tiny and Jasper were jolted by the

ship spinning and turning....let's join are clueless friends

Bloody hell,I feel like a disco ball....Reg bellowed as the ship shuddered

Hit the cruise control off and turn seventy five degrees to the right...Harold ordered

ARR,ok.....I......got it,turning the ruddy thing,hang on mates......

Heaven help us,Jasper wailed

We're pretty close to it .....Tiny proclaimed

Reg turned the ship slowly into the Garry Glitter highway ....

Look at that,it looks like a motorway of stars....how blarmy...Reg annonced

Just stay in that lane and you can turn the cruise control back on...Harold said

What are those funny bubbles?....they look like telletubbies ....Jasper asked

What color are they?...Harold Hunt of ground control replied...

Bluish,no reddish.....there changing colors..

It's just mutated pollution from hair spray cans...Harold announced

Bloody hell,....I'm glad I'm bald ...Reg replied....

Yeah,Yule Brenner ....Tiny laughed...

The ladies loved me back home...Reg replied

Maybe we can pick up some space women...Tiny ventured

As long as they have two arms and two legs,no two headed birds...Reg replied

Good luck,you wankers...Nigel interrupted

Arr,I thought I heard a rat...Reg replied

Nigel.behave,sorry gentleman ...he couldn't resist....Harold commentated

Ay....what is that?....It looks like a spaceship or sumthin.....

This is ground control,what are you seeing?....report report

Hold your bloody horses.....How do we stop this heap....Reg bellowed

Put it in neutral you stoopid git....Nigel replied

Why you ....you wait....you farrot .....

Arr    arr   arr

Nigel.....behave!

It's a ship.it looks old or beat up.....

hiss....crackle....

This is lands end control....Calypso minor...do you read.....

I don't think any of those louts read....Nigel replied....

Nigel....this is no time for sarcasm....

Calypso Minor

Calypso Minor...

The world won't go out with a bang....but with a computer virus whisper

My laptop got infected....I mean really infected...I had pop ups about erectile disfuction
to how to marry a rich old tycoon.....I downloaded a torrent of a horror movie....
Then within five seconds I felt like the trojan horse had rammed through the gates

I actually shook my laptop.....GeT OUT Of MY COMPUTER YOU
YOU BASTARDS....THAT is the polite version.

I know now the third world war will not be guns and bombs and nuclear weapons
it will be passive agressive computer virus warfare....I mean
It works....

The power grid gets pulled down...we Americans love our power and air conditioning
no more internet....net flix .....or web cam porn.....sorry....

You get the drift....

wait.another pop up.......

Space crawl radio series....episode 2..Fly me to the moon or Vegas

When we last tuned in to our three convict astronauts,well not astronauts,more like British lab rats
Reg,Jasper and Tiny were asked to turn off the cruise control by Harold Hunt....
Lands end ground control chief....Let's listen in.....Static....hiss

You want us to steer this bloody thing,Where?...asked Regg.....
Just towards the right....can you see that highway....?...Harold  asked.
What bloody highway....All I see is space and stars...Regg bemoaned.
It's called the Gary glitter exspress super highway...Harold announced
Gary bloody Glitter,that bastard...that ain't fuuny mate....Regg roared

Well,it was a sort of inside joke,but it stuck...and that's the name.....
More like highway to ruddy hell....Tiny interjected....
I like that one song...they play at the soccer matches...Jasper added
That's one strike against you mate,,,Regg glared.....

NOW,let's begin this minor diversion....Harold announced...
Alright...Where is the cruise control switch,mate?....Regg...asked
It says cruise control,you stoopid wanker...Nigel replied
You....ruddy farott face,you wait till I get back....Regg bellowed...

Nigel....behave!......Harold scolded,
I I can't help it,he's so thick.....Nigel cackled....ahr....arh.....

Forget about Nigel....he has no decorum...Harold announced
He won't have a head when I'm dun wiv im.......Regg......said deathly....

Now,now,remember the british slogan....Carry on....
Is that still it..?...I thought it was King George proved it....

Proved what? Tiny queried...
I don't bloody know,he was before our time...his mum Kate was hot though
Regg replied....

Arr...yeah....she lived until she was one hundred and five...too bad about King William
Fancy jumping out of an airplane at the age of eighty five....Jasper sighed...

Monarchists....bleh....Regg grumbled....

Bang....the space rocket ...ship....whatever....starts to shake

You have to act fast.....men....Harold ordered...

Get ready to hit the switch.....

bloody hell.....

yeah

I'm still hungry....Tiny


static    hiss pop.........