Friday, June 20, 2014

Space Crawl radio series episode 1 To boldly snore where no ones snored before

The year is 3012....
Great Britain launches itself into the space race by building with scrap metal from American and Russian
rockets and shuttles,a modern,fully loaded,cruise control explorer called The Calipso Minor...

Instread of risking a highly skilled British citizen...Three criminals

Regg Putney....35....purse snatcher...a terrible one

Jasper Potts......30...computer hacker...well,he broke into his own account

Tiny Mason....37...Grifter and part time boxer.....well.he isn't very tiny...

are allowed to serve the rest of thier sentences up in space...sort of guinea pigs

but don't tell them that.....Let's listen in.....shh....

Calipso Minor,this is lands end control.....Do you read?....

ARR...Bloody hell fire....what the bloody hell time is it,you wankers?...Red bemoans

It's ten o clock in the morning you lazy sods......

Who you calling a lazy sod...who is this anyway?

I'm sorry about my assistent,Mr.Regg,he is my assistant,Nigel...Farrot....

I bet he has a face like a .....

NOW,NOW...this is Harold Hunt....how is everybody up there?

Hey!...WAKE UP....ground control is on the line...Regg wakes up the other men...

Ground control to major TOM......Jasper starts to sing......

Eh,that's funny...hey...Tiny....wake up...you big horses arse......

WAA....Tiny bangs his large,bald head against a steel .....

Arr.....bloody hell.....is it breakfast?

Breakfast....lunch....dinner....it's all the bloody same up here....Regg quips

I need my bangers and mash....Tiny growls....

Exscuse me,Tiny...this is Harold Hunt,there are banger and mash consolidated packets dinners

Where?...Tiny looks around the ship

There is a large...drawer with a big R on it...for rations

Dumb criminals....Nigel interjects....

That's enough...Nigel...Harold scolds him...

ah....yeah....What do I DO.......its just a silver packet...

Just press the gold tab on top of packet...it will inflate and you can eat it

The whole packet?....Tiny sounds puzzled....

No,Tiny,,,,just the contents inside....Harold...said calmly....
Tiny pushes the gold tab...and the packet inflates and shakes itself

Look at that....Ain't modern stuff...marvelous...Regg interjected.

Tiny smelled the food....then gobbled it in one ......

Easy there....you might get a bad case of the gassees.....Jasper grined

Tiny....belched.....Not too bad....not as good as my mothers,but not awful either..

Now...Now Tiny is fed...What you guys want from us?...Regg asked.

Yes,Regg,as you were told ...your ship is on automatic cruise control...

Yeah.....?.....

Harold....coughed...we need you to take it off for a minute or two...

What?!...I never flown nuttin in my bloody life...except a bouncer or two...

Jasper and Tiny and Regg stared at each other......

It will only take a moment or two...we need you to turn to the right

And what is on the right?....Regg asked

Your destiny.......Harold announced


Oh,bugger......


static.....hiss........